Thursday, 31 May 2018


Just discovered another Crawford Howard track on Youtube, where somebody has added video. It is  hilarious. Sash Up The Falls.

There is another one where the late Jimmy Ellis does "The Diagonal Steamtrap", he is not as good as the original Crawford Howard though.

Now they built a big ship down in Harland's She was made for to sell to the Turks - And they called on the Yard's chief designer To design all the engines and works.
Now finally the engines was ready And they screwed in the very last part An' yer man says 'Let's see how she runs, lads! An' bejasus! the thing wouldn't start!
So they pushed and they worked an' they footered An' the engineers' faces got red The designer he stood lookin' stupid An' scratchin' the back o' his head.
But while they were fiddlin' and workin' Up danders oul' Jimmie Dalzell He had worked twenty years in the 'Island' And ten in the 'aircraft' as well.
So he pushed and he worked and he muttered Till he got himself through to the front And he has a good look roun' the engine An' he gives a few mutters and grunts,
And then he looks up at the gaffer An' says he 'Mr Smith, d'ye know? They've left out the Diagonal Steam Trap! How the hell d'ye think it could go?'
Now the engineer eyed the designer The designer he looks at the 'hat' And they whispered the one to the other Diagonal Steam Trap? What's that?'
But the Gaffer, he wouldn't admit, like To not knowin' what this was about, So he says 'Right enough, we were stupid! The Diagonal Steam Trap's left out!'
Now in the meantime oul' Jimmie had scarpered Away down to throw in his boord And the Gaffer comes up and says 'Jimmy! D'ye think we could have a wee word.
Ye see that Diagonal Steam Trap? I know it's left out - it's bad luck But the engine shop's terrible busy D'ye think ye could knock us one up?'
Now, oul' Jimmy was laughin' his scone off He had made it all up for a gag He'd seen what was stoppin' the engine - The feed-pipe was blocked with a rag!
But he sticks the oul' hands in the pockets An' he says 'Aye, I'll give yez a han'! I'll knock yes one up in the mornin' An' the whole bloody thing will be grand!'
So oul' Jim starts to work the next morning To make what he called a Steam Trap, An oul' box an' a few bits of tubing An' a steam gauge stuck up on the top,
An' he welds it all on to the engine And he says to the wonderin' mob As long as that gauge is at zero The Steam Trap is doin' its job!'
Then he pulls the rag outa the feed pipe An' he gives the oul' engine a try An' bejasus! she goes like the clappers An' oul' Jimmy remarks 'That's her nye!'
Now the ship was the fastest seen ever So they sent her away to the Turks But they toul' them 'That Steam Trap's a secret! We're the only ones knows how it works!
But the Turks they could not keep their mouths shut An' soon the whole story got roun' An' the Russians got quite interested... Them boys has their ears to the groun'!
So they sent a spy dressed as a sailor To take photies of Jimmy's Steam Trap And they got them all back to the Kremlin An' they stood round to look at the snaps.
Then the head spy says 'Mr Kosygin! I'm damned if I see how that works! So they sent him straight off to Siberia An' they bought the whole ship from the Turks!
When they found the Steam Trap was a 'cod', like, They couldn't admit they'd been had So they built a big factory in Moscow To start makin' Steam Traps like mad!
Then Kosygin rings up Mr Nixon And he says 'Youse'uns thinks yez are great! But wi' our big new Russian-made Steam Trap Yez'll find that we've got yez all bate!'
Now oul' Nixon, he nearly went 'harpic' So he thought he'd give Harland's a call And he dialled the engine-shop number And of course he got sweet bugger all!
But at last the call came through to Jimmy In the midst of a terrible hush, 'There's a call for you here, from the White House!' Says oul' Jim, 'That's a shop in Portrush!'
There's a factory outside of Seattle Where they're turnin' out Steam Traps like Hell It employs twenty-five thousand workers And the head of it... Jimmy Dalzell!

By Crawford Howard.

Wednesday, 30 May 2018


Brendan Jamison has conjured up a great looking tournament in a lovely part of N.I.

The title of the event and the link is below.

It is titled Portrush Atlantic Chess Festival

There used to be a very well known shop in Portrush called "The Whitehouse."

Just checked the internet and it seems it is still there.

"The Whitehouse" in Portrush, gets a mention in this hilarious poem by Crawford Howard, it is a work of genius.

It is called, "The Diagonal Steam Trrap."

This is another Crawford Howard classic, it is called "The Arab Orange Lodge."

Ecc 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Thursday, 24 May 2018


Since the whole Brexit debate started in the UK, the most important aspect of the debate, has never been mentioned by any of the UK political parties.

They have failed to inform the UK public, that the so-called EU, is a key component part of the strong delusion which marks the end-times.

2 Thess 2:11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

There are a number of alternative names going about pertaining to the so-called EU.

One alternative name is, "The EUSSR."

Another alternative name is, "The Hotel California, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

The main alternative name, and most accurate name for the so-called EU is, "The Kingdom Of The Antichrist", because that is exactly what it is!

Wednesday, 23 May 2018


Some time time ago I published an article titled "THE ULTIMATE CHECKMATE."

A very interesting booklet has been been published, giving background information about the subject.

Here is a link to the the article titled, "GOD`S PURPOSE FOR THE BRITISH ISLES."

It is very easy reading, and well worth 10 minutes of your time.

Who in their right mind would want to try and play Chess against God?

I think this article would come under the heading of "Endgame studies."

Daniel 2:19 Then was the secret revealed unto Daniel in a night vision. Then Daniel blessed the God of heaven.

20 Daniel answered and said, Blessed be the name of God for ever and ever: for wisdom and might are his:

21 And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:

22 He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.

23 I thank thee, and praise thee, O thou God of my fathers, who hast given me wisdom and might, and hast made known unto me now what we desired of thee: for thou hast now made known unto us the king’s matter.

Saturday, 5 May 2018


Just had this position in a game. Black to move, Bxg3 looks very tempting but does it work?

Don`t think I would play it in a real game against a human as it is very hard to visualise all the possibilities.

There is still lots of moves for black to try and visualise after 1...Bxg3 2.hxBg3 Qxg3 3.?????

It is a good study position though.

Ecc 12 And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.